You shape your life every day through your choices, how you interact with others, what you feel, and what you accomplish. As you face death, as we all do, you must decide how well your choices reflect you and ultimately how satisfied you are with the final result that is your life.
Here are three exercises, and hopefully food for thought, to take artistic stock of the state of you right now.
1. Create a sculpture representing an intimate relationship.
This is an exercise I often do with couples in therapy during the first few sessions. If you’re brave enough and have a willing partner, you can try it yourself; if not, you can do it as a mental exercise or draw a sketch instead. If you don’t have a partner, you can also substitute parents or close friends. Here are the instructions:
Imagine you are a sculptor and want to create a sculpture that captures the current state of your intimate relationship. Shape each person in a position that reflects their everyday or most prominent emotional state. For example, if someone is depressed, they may be slumped over; if they are angry, they might be waving their fingers in front of the other’s face; or if they are happy, they could be hugging each other. Think about each person’s feelings and reactions. Pay attention to the distance between them, eye contact, and especially facial expressions.
Reflections: What is the tone of the sculpture? How ideally would you like it to be different? What needs to change to get there?
2. Draw a picture of your family from childhood.
This is a classic art therapy exercise that therapists especially use with children. The instructions are to simply draw a picture of your childhood family; another version is to draw your family with each person doing something. Choose whatever you prefer; use any paper you like, and ideally use crayons or colored pencils.
Don’t overthink this—just see what comes to mind first and follow your feelings.
Reflections: Again, observe the positions: Who is close to whom, who is holding hands or rubbing shoulders, doing things together? Notice the size of the people—Is someone significantly larger than someone else? What are their facial expressions? How well does this match your image of your family from when you were growing up? Ideally, how would you like the picture to be different? What was missing when you were growing up to shape that picture? What is missing from your life now?
3. Make a list of stepping stones.
This is a writing exercise. Sit down with a pen and paper and reflect on your life so far. What are pivotal moments or experiences that changed your perspective on life, the world, or your life? It could be positive (such as acting in a school play, revealing a talent you didn’t realize you had, or receiving a random compliment from someone you admired) or negative (a death, a breakup, an unexpected trauma, or a failure that altered how you see yourself and life). Or maybe it was a simple experience with nature or a physical challenge that made you feel connected to a bigger world or helped you appreciate life and your role in it.
Create a list of no more than ten items. Start each sentence with “I remember” or “When.” Just write one or two sentences that describe the experience.
Reflections: Out of all that has happened in your life, why did you choose what you chose? How has each stepping stone shifted your worldview and brought you to where you are today?
Stepping back: Questions
As you look at your artistic creations, what stands out most? Is there a theme running through all of them—either negative in some way or actually positive? Are you surprised by anything you’ve made? Is there a link between your family picture and your sculpture, or between your sculpture and your stepping stones?
Most important, perhaps, is the question: Is something missing in your life, and what needs to change most, if anything, so that you don’t keep repeating history? What is the moral of the story of your life and relationships so far?
